By Dr. Elizabeth Roberts, Psychologist
December can bring out both the best and the hardest parts of working in a school. It can be exciting and joyful, and at the very same time, unpredictable, overwhelming, and emotionally chaotic. Many educators find themselves wearing thin under high expectations, multiple events, sensory overload, and the emotional needs of students (and staff) — some of whom may be bracing for a holiday period that is far less safe than being at school.
In moments like these, Stoic philosophy, one of the oldest emotional regulation systems in history, can offer surprising clarity and grounding. Stoicism is sometimes misunderstood as emotion suppression or detachment, but when you return to the original texts, a very different truth emerges: emotions are normal, human, expected, and deeply informative. Stoicism isn’t about not feeling, it’s about choosing how to respond.
Here are four Stoic principles that can help staff and students navigate December with more steadiness and compassion.
December can bring out both the best and the hardest parts of working in a school. It can be exciting and joyful, and at the very same time, unpredictable, overwhelming, and emotionally chaotic. Many educators find themselves wearing thin under high expectations, multiple events, sensory overload, and the emotional needs of students (and staff) — some of whom may be bracing for a holiday period that is far less safe than being at school.
In moments like these, Stoic philosophy, one of the oldest emotional regulation systems in history, can offer surprising clarity and grounding. Stoicism is sometimes misunderstood as emotion suppression or detachment, but when you return to the original texts, a very different truth emerges: emotions are normal, human, expected, and deeply informative. Stoicism isn’t about not feeling, it’s about choosing how to respond.
Here are four Stoic principles that can help staff and students navigate December with more steadiness and compassion.
1) Emotion ≠ Action
Modern psychological approaches often borrow this idea from Stoic thought without naming it: emotions are signals, not instructions.
Emotions give us information about:
Emotions do not tell us what to do, even if they come with a sense of urgency to act.
For many people, especially children and teens, but also adults, emotion and action feel fused. When dysregulated, it is hard to pause. It is even harder for neurodivergent individuals, who may genuinely struggle with interoception and emotional awareness, or for those with trauma histories whose nervous systems flip into overload more quickly.
The goal isn’t to avoid stress, anger, frustration, or big feelings. The goal is to recognize:
I am allowed to feel deeply, and still choose my response.
Teaching this concept explicitly to students (and ourselves… and maybe a colleague or two 😉) is powerful. It helps us step out of shame (“I shouldn’t feel this way”), self-invalidation (“I’m overreacting”), or regret (“I wish I hadn’t snapped”), and instead practice that small, brave pause where choice becomes possible.
Emotions give us information about:
- our internal experience
- our unmet needs
- our values
- what feels unfair, important, or meaningful
- the stories we tell ourselves
Emotions do not tell us what to do, even if they come with a sense of urgency to act.
For many people, especially children and teens, but also adults, emotion and action feel fused. When dysregulated, it is hard to pause. It is even harder for neurodivergent individuals, who may genuinely struggle with interoception and emotional awareness, or for those with trauma histories whose nervous systems flip into overload more quickly.
The goal isn’t to avoid stress, anger, frustration, or big feelings. The goal is to recognize:
I am allowed to feel deeply, and still choose my response.
Teaching this concept explicitly to students (and ourselves… and maybe a colleague or two 😉) is powerful. It helps us step out of shame (“I shouldn’t feel this way”), self-invalidation (“I’m overreacting”), or regret (“I wish I hadn’t snapped”), and instead practice that small, brave pause where choice becomes possible.
2) Values-Driven Living: Let Your Values Lead, Not the Chaos
This is one of the most important, and overlooked, Stoic ideas, and one that deeply applies to students and overwhelmed teachers and staff. Some students struggle with injustice, disappointment, or the behaviour of others. Many teachers do, too. Stoicism reminds us that a meaningful life is built not on outcomes, but on acting according to our values.
In teaching, this might sound like: Is what I’m doing aligned with my values as an educator?
Not:
Kids go rogue all the time. That is developmentally normal, in fact, it’s part of their job. They push boundaries, test limits, and learn who they are within the parameters that we define.
An idea I have repeated for years to staff working with tough kids:
Your effectiveness is not measured by their momentary reactions.
If your response was:
…then you did your job well, regardless of the outcome.
Your values become your compass when everything around you feels chaotic.
In teaching, this might sound like: Is what I’m doing aligned with my values as an educator?
Not:
- Did the student immediately comply?
- Did the class stay perfectly calm?
- Did this difficult moment resolve exactly how I hoped?
Kids go rogue all the time. That is developmentally normal, in fact, it’s part of their job. They push boundaries, test limits, and learn who they are within the parameters that we define.
An idea I have repeated for years to staff working with tough kids:
Your effectiveness is not measured by their momentary reactions.
If your response was:
- calm
- fair
- consistent
- values-driven
- attuned
- grounded
…then you did your job well, regardless of the outcome.
Your values become your compass when everything around you feels chaotic.
3) Self-Discipline Without Self-Criticism
Stoicism prizes persistence and personal responsibility, but always paired with acceptance and compassion for where you are right now. This balance is difficult, especially during December, when exhaustion amplifies self-blame.
Teachers are often quite disciplined. You show up, care, adapt, and carry emotional weight most people never see. However, discipline without compassion quickly turns into perfectionism, self-attack, and shame.
Ask yourself:
Stoicism offers a counter-voice:
Do your best, accept setbacks, move forward.
Give yourself grace. Progress is built on tiny gains, not flawless days. This mindset paradoxically builds more tenacity, because accepting mistakes with compassion prevents the shame spirals that lead to demotivation, guilt, and emotional exhaustion.
Teachers are often quite disciplined. You show up, care, adapt, and carry emotional weight most people never see. However, discipline without compassion quickly turns into perfectionism, self-attack, and shame.
Ask yourself:
- Do I judge myself harshly when a lesson flops?
- When a student escalates?
- When I lose my patience?
- When I drop one of the 100 balls I’m juggling?
Stoicism offers a counter-voice:
Do your best, accept setbacks, move forward.
Give yourself grace. Progress is built on tiny gains, not flawless days. This mindset paradoxically builds more tenacity, because accepting mistakes with compassion prevents the shame spirals that lead to demotivation, guilt, and emotional exhaustion.
4) The Dichotomy of Control: Focus Your Energy Wisely
One of the central Stoic teachings, and one of the most stabilizing, is the dichotomy of control. Schools often teach a version of this (“What I can & can’t control”), but Stoicism deepens it:
Focus on what you can control. Release what you cannot.
A helpful story: the Stoic philosopher Seneca was banned from the court for dissenting views. His response was, “You may act according to your values, and I will act according to mine.” He didn’t control the outcome, but he controlled his integrity and his choice to keep showing up. For teachers, this might sound like: 'I can't control how this student responds right now, but I can control whether I stay calm, fair, and consistent with my values.'
December is full of things teachers and students cannot control:
Stoicism offers a grounding reset: This part is mine. This part is not.
A teacher might ask:
This framework protects emotional energy, reduces anxiety, and restores a sense of agency during a month that often feels unmanageable.
Focus on what you can control. Release what you cannot.
A helpful story: the Stoic philosopher Seneca was banned from the court for dissenting views. His response was, “You may act according to your values, and I will act according to mine.” He didn’t control the outcome, but he controlled his integrity and his choice to keep showing up. For teachers, this might sound like: 'I can't control how this student responds right now, but I can control whether I stay calm, fair, and consistent with my values.'
December is full of things teachers and students cannot control:
- shifting schedules
- heightened student arousal
- parental stress
- administrative demands
- surprise events
- sensory overload
- emotional histories that make the holidays harder
Stoicism offers a grounding reset: This part is mine. This part is not.
A teacher might ask:
- Can I control hallway noise? No.
- Can I control my tone and pacing with students? Yes.
- Can I control school-wide chaos? No.
- Can I create predictability in my classroom? Yes.
This framework protects emotional energy, reduces anxiety, and restores a sense of agency during a month that often feels unmanageable.
Final Word: Stoicism as a Nervous-System Philosophy
Stoicism is not about becoming quiet or detached, but rather intentional and empowered.
This is exactly what I teach in my course, Staying Grounded When the Classroom Isn't—how to stay aligned with your values when students go rogue, when the room destabilizes, when you're exhausted and nothing is going as planned. The course helps you build a decision-making framework rooted in your values, not in controlling outcomes you can't control. Learn to recognize patterns, break thinking traps, and respond with clarity instead of reacting from overwhelm.
This is exactly what I teach in my course, Staying Grounded When the Classroom Isn't—how to stay aligned with your values when students go rogue, when the room destabilizes, when you're exhausted and nothing is going as planned. The course helps you build a decision-making framework rooted in your values, not in controlling outcomes you can't control. Learn to recognize patterns, break thinking traps, and respond with clarity instead of reacting from overwhelm.
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